I think its fair to say that having got to the age of 24, I have mellowed a little – Having seen the passing of my beloved corpse like black cat Tuesday at the age of 16 last May, I think that I have had my fair share of tragedy in my short life.  While not wanting to tempt the powers that be, the Gods of Hades, to further wrath and vengeance towards me (I fear for my next pet – its days are numbered already!), I feel that I have something to say to the world – Something terribly inconsequential and insignificant – but something nonetheless – and so that is what this self serving, egotistical, frankly useless column is all about – Its my website and I can cry if I want to (you would cry too if it happened to you!).  Quite what will inspire me enough each week to write is as yet unknown, but I guess there will be something.

 RANT 1 - VALENTINE'S DAY  

Ive just noticed that Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday, which for singletons, students, and jobless penniless bums like myself kind of kills two birds with one stone – Valentine’s night has often been an expensive night for me, but not because I have ever had to buy lots of gifts or take a girl out for dinner – No, for me Valentine’s night is strictly a drinking session which can be quite expensive.  So the fact that it is on a Saturday is very useful indeed, what with Saturday night being the big one on a normal weekend.  

One particular night that springs to mind is in Wetherspoons, Belfast in 2001 when if Im not mixing my nights, I spent it with Marty, Helen, Schofield and Helen’s horrendously pissed gay mate – It was £1 a drink back in those days and we were buying Smirnoff Ice by the dozen (literally) – and we were getting exceedingly drunk and rowdy, with me and Helen leading the chorus of Beatles songs and us getting funny looks from ould couples out for a cheap night.  Coley kept flitting in between our crowd and a fresh faced Geri Doherty’s crowd – This was the courting stage for those two which like everyone else involved getting drunk in a pub and disgracing yourself in front of each other’s mates (only joking Coley, well sort of!).  Actually, the highlight of the night had to be Helen’s gay mate falling off his chair and landing on the floor, where he remained for a good 5 minutes – It is very gratifying to see others do what is usually the domain of me, making a twat of myself through drink and falling on my ass (which I often do when sober as well, unfortunately!)  

Quite how the night developed has eluded me, but it must have been downhill from there as nothing of consequence must have happened to me after Wetherspoons – Probably spent my Valentine’s night arguing about This Life and especially the relevance of Ferdie as a character in it over a few drinks with Schofield (beers in Schofield’s case, alco-pops in mine!).

Which brings me to my rant – Valentine’s Day itself – What is the fecking point of this expensive, over-priced, guilt inducing day – or perhaps I have indirectly answered my own question –

Is the point of Valentine’s Day perhaps to induce guilt in girlfriends and boyfriends so that they will spend, spend, spend on their partner to prove how much they love them/are expected to love them? 

Now perhaps this is just sour grapes – Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I have received 2 genuine Valentine’s Day cards in my 24 years, (with about 24 fake ones as well from my auntie!) – But I think it is fuelled by more than that – While I should be happy that my chances of pulling increase tenfold during the first two weeks of February, this is countered somewhat by the fact that if I do pull or meet someone in these few weeks, I will have to fork out at least £100 on someone that I barely know yet – We are talking £30 for some sort of token gift, £20 for flowers (youre fecked if you don’t buy flowers), £50 for a meal, and if youre going to drink then add on another £50 at least.  

The thing that really gets me about Valentines day is that it is not at all about genuine sentiment, its all fake and its convention – Buy flowers and presents and go out for dinner just like everyone else – Keeping up appearances springs to mind – There is a much more appropriate day for a couple to reaffirm their love etc and surely it is their anniversary, of either when they met or when they married – That is the right day for this sort of thing, so I say do away with Valentine’s day, abolish the cursed thing, and the world will seem a better (less lonely) place for hapless singletons and the Bridget Jones’s of this world, because frankly, from their point of view, Valentine’s day must seem like a chance for smug couples to take the piss and rub their noses in it.

Signing off,

Ever the romantic,

Stevey G.

Ps Enjoy Valentine’s Day!!